Coming home

                The car ride there was short. I mean it was only an hour and a half and Jassper of course slept the entire way. In a way, I wished that I could have come alone. Don’t get me wrong, I want Ethan to see his son. It has been four months after all, but there are things I want to do that I can’t while holding a baby. I pull into the base and hand my identification over to the guard.  He scans them and opens the gate. All of a sudden, I start sweating and my heart rate accelerates. I get to see my husband! After four long and lonely months, I finally get to see my husband. Words can’t describe the excitement. But then the worry and doubt sets in. What if I’m not what he wants anymore? What if he doesn’t like what he sees? What if I am raising Jassper in a way that isn’t suitable in Ethan’s opinion?

                I try and shake the fear from my mind and pull up to the building that Ethan said he would be at. There are soldiers everywhere and I am afraid to make a wrong move. I could say the wrong thing. I could do something that is offensive by mistake. I could trip. Well, the last one is the most likely. Hopefully, I don’t trip as I will be holding Jassper. I look in the rear-view mirror and see Jassper still sleeping in his carseat. Good. He is always in good spirits after a nap, but he might be hungry and fussy. I hope he can hold out for me.

                I park and think of all the criteria Ethan has for parking his truck. Straight in the lines with the steering wheel straightened out. Is there something I am missing? Am I going to get grilled on my wrongdoings when he gets in the car? All the trash and coffee cups are gone. I even vacuumed the seats before leaving. Did I do good enough? This is his baby as much as Jassper is. The cell phone charger! I remove the charger from the cigarette lighter and nod to myself. Is there anything else? Probably, but I can’t remember. All of the sudden my mind stops working and I can’t figure out why the damn door won’t open. After a few moments, I realize that I had set my arm on top of the door and pressed the manual lock down. God, I don’t think I am fit to carry Jassper at this point.

                Carefully, I step out of the truck and my foot slips off the rail. I stare at my now rosy shin and close my eyes. Sure. Why not injure myself before seeing Ethan? Oh, hell, he wouldn’t expect anything different. I open Jassper’s door and climb in to unbuckle him. Slobber and spit up cover his outfit and I hang my head. Not even the bib protected him. Ethan is going to think I am neglecting to clean Jassper. Quickly, I dig out an outfit from the diaper bag and step out of the truck with Jassper. I lay him on the back seat and begin undressing him. My son gets this goofy grin and squirms around while naked. He just loves being in only a diaper. I kiss his cheek and put his monkey clad onsie on. Ethan loves monekys.

                Someone taps my shoulder as I finish the re-adjusting the stupid buttons and I jump and scream startling Jassper. I turn around and there, right before my eyes is my husband. My heart skips a beat as I take him in. His curly hair is still missing as is his facial hair. But, God is he handsome as hell. His brown eyes brighten and a smile spreads across his face. Damn, that smile and his beautiful freckles. I can’t believe how much I missed him. I throw my arms around his neck and hug him tight. His arms wrap around my waist and he kisses my head. I look up at him and he looks back. Oh, those eyes. I stand on my tip toes and kiss him long and hard. I don’t care if anyone sees. To hell with PDA. This is my freaking husband and I will kiss him forever if I so please.

                Well, at least until he pulls away and looks at Jassper. Our son is trying to figure out how to roll over the pillow I have him wedged to the back of the car seat with. I smile and let Ethan take in his son. The last time the two saw each other was when Jassper was one day shy of a month old. Four months make so much difference with a baby.

                “Hey, buddy,” Ethan says with a smile. Jassper looks up at his father and grins a giant one toothed smile and reaches towards Ethan.

                Tears well up in my eyes as I watch father and son reunite. Finally, we are a family again. Ethan picks up Jassper and looks at me. “I love you. Now, always and forever.”

                Tears clog my throat, but I nod and say, “I love you too. Now, always and forever.”